By: Autumn Elizabeth

Does it ever seem like Sophia’s directions come in waves? For me it does. Just when I think I have a grip on the direction God wants me to take in my life, something changes and everything looks different.

As I prepare for a trip back to the U.S., back to places where I had a different life, I can’t help but look back on the paths I almost took. At one time I heard God calling me to do work at my church in Saint Louis with youth, and so I did for 5 years. Then I left them when I eloped with my now ex-partner and moved to another city and participated in two years of national service with AmeriCorps. That is what I felt called to do.

I have made many decisions in my life, followed my heart and my understanding of the Holy Spirit to many cities, and a few countries. Sometimes I worry that my path has been too scattered, too varied  too different. But then, when I am feeling most lost on my path, I stumble across these words from Paula D’Arcy’s book Gift of the Red Bird:

Ultimately God remains a mystery to me.  Sometimes friend, or father,mother, listener, guide, lover, distant,…silent.  Always he [or she] says, WILL YOU FOLLOW ME? Even if there’s nothing to give you stability? Even if you can’t understand where I am leading you? Even if you must wait for things you desire? Even in the darkness?

These words remind me that the voice of Holy Wisdom is not always clear, does not always come when we want it most. We must follow the voice of Sophia the way surfers follow waves. We must wait for the right one and then go with it as far as we can.

About Autumn Elizabeth

Autumn Elizabeth is a writer, scholar, and outlaw. She is the author of My Life as Herbst and the Editor In Chief at Searching Sophia's Pockets.

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